if i can run in heels then i can drive
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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