Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
