I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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