I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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