I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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