I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
