Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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