she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
