Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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