u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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