if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
