here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize