why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
