you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
