last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize