Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
