Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
BRING THE BAGELS
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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