I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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