girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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