Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
