I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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