Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize