I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was like eating out sand paper
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
