Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
