I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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