her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
