So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
