you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
