ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
