we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
