oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
