Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
