I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
