i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
