I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well you can't waste a boner
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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