the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
