i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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