VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
