You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were trust falling into bushes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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