so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
