Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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