Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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