I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
