no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
