You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
