I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
