No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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