did you get engaged???
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
