Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
