He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
