i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
