You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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