have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
