what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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