I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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