There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
