Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
