Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
