We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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