She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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