Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
