Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
